Black Men Revealed…

…their ignorance when it comes to nappy hair. 

Barb, from Cleveland left this comment a few minutes ago. I thought I’d post it cause it really cuts to the quick about how deep this nappy hair thing is with not just sistahs but our brothas as well. She writes: 

I love your website. I just wanted you to know that I was watching TV one ( in Cleveland, Ohio)dedicated to showcasing AA. Title of Sunday’s show “Black Men Revealed”. The question came up about good hair and bad hair and all the men on the panel said yes there is a such thing as good hair and bad hair. Good hair of course needed little maintenance and bad hair was nappy. I could not believe the brotha with the locks (down his back) said women can get their bad hair fixed by going to the salon to make it good. I was so mad I couldn’t believe in 2007 black people are so ignorant about our hair. I hope that you can see the show it comes on a Sunday at 10pm est. Thanks for letting me vent.

I will continue to look for updates on your site.

Barb thank you. Yes ignorance abounds when it comes to the views that are held about nappy hair, and it obviously isn’t only from sistahs. If you think black women can open mouth insert foot so handily when it comes to the nappy hair good hair/bad hair issue, brothas can be down right cutting and draw major blood with their sharp, stinging comments.

And, as you witnessed they can also be quicker than sistahs sometimes to make the most stupid comments about nappy hair. Honestly, and no one would ever be able to convince me otherwise, I believe that hair plays a huge factor in why so many black men choose to be attracted exclusively to white women. I try not to think about that too much cause if I do, at the very least it just makes me soo sad and at the most, these attitudes about our hair (and the white woman/black man thing) makes my blood boil.

Now I’ll share a story with you all that illustrates what I’m talking about.

Maybe six or seven months ago, my friend Kim and I were at I think Perkin’s restaurant. We had ordered and were waiting for our food when low and behold we run into a mutual friend I’ll call Robert. We all three met when I was in college and began working part-time in a call-center whose primary business was processing credit card transactions for merchants around the world.

Anyway, Kim was already working there, as was Robert. Although extremely rough around the edges, with a slight ghetto, gangsta aura to him, for some reason, he managed to get himself promoted off the phones into a team lead position. He later moved into a much higher position at the company’s corporate headquarters. But before the corporate position, Robert always dated white women and later ended up dating the first really deep love of his life. Her name was “Antoinette” who also worked with us. She was biracial — Black and Native American. Very pretty young lady. I’d been knowing her and all of her brothers almost all my life.  She was not only the baby girl in her family but also the only girl. She was several years younger than me and like a little sister to me.

So, that night at Perkins, Robert stops over to our table, and we end up reminiscing about the good old days. Tells us he and Toni never got married. She never finished law school and had passed away. She had been an alcoholic and that’s what had killed her. I was just shocked and very saddened by that news,

We talk more and he starts telling us about his daughter. How pretty she was. How he couldn’t believe he could make babies that could be so beautiful. That her hair was sooo pretty. It was long and flowing and down her back and yada, yada, yada. I’m like damn, if figures, her mom must be white. I tune back in and he’s still fixated on telling us about his daughter’s hair. Now mind you, he does have a couple of children by some black women, but he’s NOT goin’ on and on about them and he show ain’t braggin’ on their hair.

I finally ask him if he has a picture of this daughter with the long flowing hair. That’s when he says no, but his wife probably does, and she’s sitting over on the other side of the restaurant. I’m like dag…boy…and you just left her over there by herself for this long. At least invite her over so we can meet her.

He goes and gets her. Turns out, the daughter he’s bragging about isn’t even with his current wife…it’s with yet a different white woman. Now why this woman is carrying around a pic of a daughter from her husband’s previous relationship is a whole ‘nother can of worms I sure ain’t gonna get into. But she pulls this pic out and yes, it’s clear she’s biracial and yes, she’s a gorgeous young lady. And yes, like any father who has a child that’s doing well in school and is headed off to college, he has every right to be extremely proud of her accomplishments.

But can you tell me what the heck is up with his fixation on her hair? Ok. We all know what’s up with that. Many black men have issues with nappy hair on the same levels that black women do. I’m pretty sure that most black men don’t consciously and covertly go around raving about making babies with “good” hair to the extent that my friend Robert obviously does. But I’m dang certain that if I could conduct a poll and ask the right questions (and black men were honest), we’d find that white women’s hair play a big roll in why some black men choose white women (or other straight hair/loosed haired women) over nappy headed sistahs.

Why have the fake, weaved in glued in, sewn in, latch hooked in, quick weaved in, braided in stuff when you can have the real thing?

Woa! I’m sure this is bound to not be a popular point of view for some. But there you have it. That’s my take on this one aspect of the black-man-attracted-to-white-woman phenomenon…my views, and I’m stickin’ to it.

So Barb…that’s my vent spurred by your vent. Sometimes, something just takes ya there…you know?

4 Responses to “Black Men Revealed…”
  1. t-hype says:

    Good point about the hair thing!

    I never thought about that before. Anyone who dates exclusively outside their culture has problems as far as I’m concerned and I would imagine that hair could account for at least 30% of those guys. LOL!


  2. Alma S. says:

    We all have “good hair”. Just pick the right products. Mixed Chicks makes good stuff.

  3. nappyme says:

    Hi Alma…thanks for visiting Nappturology 101.
    I agree it’s all good hair. And if we’re embracing and wearing our hair in its natural nappy state, which is what Nappturology 101 is about, putting heat on our good nappy hair is damaging. That’s why I edited your reference to pressing hair out of your comment.

    Please feel free to visit and post (without advocating or mentioning methods to straighten hair). Sends the wrong message if I allow those comments since my entire site is about lovin’ and wearin’ your naps in their unaltered state.

    Take care,

  4. aulelia says:

    I love the your posts and as usual I am behind but this post illuminates why we will just continue to stay stagnant and not move forward. I don’t know Robert but maybe he was so fixated with his daughters hair because it was his way of making an imprint in this world that dictates to us that Eurocentric beauty is what we should look like etc.

    I just wish black men would realise that they too have the same hair on their head that we do.

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