Oprah Disses Nappy Hair
Psyche! Just another one of my silly nappy dreams
On cNappymeNow, someone posted a thread about using threading as a means to stretch your hair to show more length — as opposed to using the traditional nap destroying method of blowing drying to achieve the same desired result. Now if you’re not familiar with this technique, click FOTKI to visit her album to see some examples. I did, and I was simply blown away and amazed at how incredibly long, thick and lucious her naps are. Oh…my…stars! They are simply to die for.
Now apparently, the technique can be used as a style if you do the threading neatly enough. I also remember my mom saying her mother grew her hair out using black thread after she experienced horrible breakage during a life-threatening illness as a child. Now as a means to stretch your hair overnight, you simply wrap it from root to tip and go to bed. When you wake up in the morning, you unthread your hair and wallah! It’s sufficiently stretched, enabling you to wear a really fluffy fro or puff or just allow you to not have to fight with a tight head full of nappy hair the next day.
I will add that it just seems to me that it would be easier to put your hair up in some big ole plaits or twists. But if you just wanna try something different…then hey, go for it.
So anyway, I respond to her post that I love her hair and that it’s amazing that the nylon thread doesn’t cut your hair. She responds back she’s also amazed, and said she’d double check with her aunt to find out EXACTLY what type of thread is used.
Mind you, this is the last thing I read before I go to bed.
In the recesses of my mind, REM sleep has Oprah has giving away a whole lot of money to a whole lot of people for their worthy causes. Of course, this is not at all a stretch cause she does this in real life anyway. But the twist is, according to my last dream with Oprah in it, she’s my best friend. Apparently she had ditched Gail in favor of hanging out with me and my crew. Well now in this dream, I do know Oprah, but I’m not sure that we’re best buds anymore.
Oh, and for some reason, she’s a huge advocate of threading nappy hair.
Well I find myself standing in line outside a banquet room in some hotel. Oprah is sitting at this long table with a lady that has a list of people who are recipients of this money. Plus, she’s awarding personal scholarships to people. Well of course I’m going to be a recipient of some of this money for starting cNappymeNow — my cNapp hair care forum. It’s just a matter of how much.
So she’s calling off name after name and these people are getting millions of dollars for the worthy causes they support. But as she gets further down the list, the amounts start getting smaller and smaller and smaller. Now I’m next in line, and I’m filled with apprehension. Surely Oprah is not going to diss me and my naps. I’m one of her best friends. She just wouldn’t do that to me, would she?
The lady calls my name and says I only get $450. I’m like ? But she just shrugs, “That’s all that’s left.” Plus there’s nothing left for a personal scholarship. I’m just floored…to say the least, I’m simply incredulous (y’all know that’s one of my favorite words). How could she do this to me? I bet she would have given Gail more money.
Ok, now I’m in a hotel room with her, and she’s pacing back and forth in front of me talking on the phone. While I’m waiting for her to get off the phone, I’m playing with one of my twists. And to my horror, it feels like one of my twists is only hanging on by a few thin strands of hair. I guess I’d had my hair threaded overnight and the thread cut my hair right off at the root. I ask someone to take a look at it, they confirm what I suspect. Then they touch it, my twist breaks all the way off and they put it in my hand. Can you say mortified?
I have to tell you I think this part of my dream is sneaking in from my real life. Seems like I’m always doing something that makes my hair break off. So I know that’s where some of this is coming from. In my dream I’m thinking, “If I keep doing stuff like this, I’m gonna be bald.” But in real life, that’s what I think too.
Now back to my dream. I have to get Oprah’s attention, but she’s ignoring me. She’s still talking on the phone, and I discover she’s talking to Barney Fife. (Now stay with me, it’s a dream remember?) That’s right, the character on the Andy Griffith Show.
Do y’all youngin’s know who that is? Do you watch TV Land? It’s a classic. Barney is the bumbling deputy and side kick to Sheriff Andy Taylor in Mayberry RFD. They have two squad cars, two guns and Barney only gets to have one bullet, which he has to keep in his shirt pocket. It’s not allowed in his gun. That’s because he kept accidently shooting it in one episode, and he accidently shot himself in the foot once. Absolutely hilarious stuff. If you’ve never seen this show, you gotta catch at least one episode. It’s one of my favorites.
See it’s urgent now. I gotta tell Oprah that she has to do a show on the evils of threading. Nappy women all over the world are going to start threading their hair. If they do it incorrectly, they’re going to be bald. Plus there’s that little matter of money to discuss, but dang it, I need her to get off the dang phone! For heaven’s sakes Oprah you’re only talking to Barney Fife!
She paces back in my direction, and I shove the twist in her hand. She screws up her face, and looks at it like “ewe” what is that? But at least I have her attention now. She keeps talking but she tells Barney she’s gotta go. I’m hopeful that she’s gonna be talking to me any second now.
Then I get this urge to pee. Nope, not in my dream, in real life. Alas, my dream fades away. Now I ask you, why does your dream always get interupted just before you get to the good part? I roll over, get up and go to the bathroom. I return to bed and never give the dream a second thought until later in the day. I’ve actually tried to post this story twice today, but once I got kicked out of my blog for some unknown reason and it didn’t get saved. And then another time my wireless router signal faded, I got kicked off line again and it didn’t get saved that time either. Sometimes I’m a littl slow on the up take, and I also know better. Why I wasn’t saving this story as I wrote it is beyond me. However, the fact that I’ve written about this dream for the third time tells ya how dedicated I am to keeping y’all entertained.
But I digress once again. It’s too bad that I woke up when I did cause now I’ll never know if I got a chance to talk to Oprah and convince her to do a show about the evils of threading nappy hair. I’ll also never know if I got more money to run cNappymeNow or if I got my personal scholarship. Surely educating and encouraging nappy women around the world to love and take care of their nappy/nappy hair is just as important as any of those other causes she gave millions of dollars to.
When it comes to nappy hair, it just seems to me that Oprah needs to get her priorities straight. Hehehe. We all know Oprah absolutely loves living her lye so her naps will quite possibly never ever see the light of day again — not in real life anyway. Maybe that will be in my next dream… Oprah and Gail Go Natural.
Ya think? Hey, the way I dream, anything is possible so stay tuned!